You Think You Know Me: Diary of a Teenage Misfit
by Naiya Blackrose
Summary: Lily Evans has been told she's a freak by Petunia for so long she knows its true. She gets accepted to Hogwarts, and there it gets no better. In fact it gets worse. Lily does something awful to relieve her anger, but what happens when somebody sees?
1. The First Entry

You Think You Know Me: Diary of a Teenage Misfit  
  
Chapter one  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot. J.K. Rowling owns the rest of it.  
  
A/N Hello again people! I hope you like this fic. R&R!!!  
  
Lily's Entry  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well. Isn't this lovely. My parents buy me this stupid diary so that it can help with my "feelings". Isn't that grand. Well I suppose I should start this idiotic thing off by telling a bit about myself. On my eleventh birthday I received a letter telling me that I had been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. My parents thought it was all a joke, and of course, Petunia only shrieked something horrible and told me I was an absolute freak. She is right of course. My dear sister would never lie to me about something like that.  
  
Anyway, I knew it was real and in a few days a woman and her daughter came to pick me up and take me to Diagon Alley. The woman's name was Mrs.Figg and her daughter was Arabella. Arabella and I couldn't stand each other and only for the sake of Mrs.Figg was I able to keep my fists under control. I got all my supplies and opened an account at Gringotts. Then I bought my wand and a black owl with, as my parents said, eyes startlingly like my own. I named the owl Pandora. I don't know what possessed me to do that, but it just seemed right at the time.  
  
I went through my first year at Hogwarts without making any friends. The only thing I made was a reputation, and a bad one at that. At first, thanks to those great prats James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black, I was the school freak. After I met those three, I felt that I wasn't fit to have friends, so I never attempted to make any. Oh yes, those boys and I have quite a history. On September first, I was at Kings Cross station and was being shown how to cross the barrier by Mrs.Figg. I found a compartment all to myself and began reading my charms book. Charms seemed so much more interesting to me than the other subjects. I mean, if you think about it, there is a charm for just about anything!  
  
Well. Enough of my rambling and back to the depressing memories. While I was reading, three boys came in, all talking very loudly. One had light brown hair and blue-green eyes (Remus) one had long black hair in a ponytail and dark brown eyes (Sirius) and the other had very untidy black hair and bright blue eyes framed by round glasses, though he later got his eyesight fixed by his parents. That last boy was James Potter. I was just sitting there quite absorbed in my book when they came in, yelling and talking loudly. They were talking about Severus Snape and about some silly prank they had just pulled on him. It seems they had mixed his shampoo with bacon grease. Soon they looked over where I was sitting and stopped talking. Sirius suggested to James that we leave but James said no and plopped himself down next to me. He asked me what I was reading and I showed him the cover of my book. He then proceeded to snatch it away from me and unknown to me; he put a spell on it. It made my nose stick to one of the pages. I was so mad when my nose became attached to the book that I swung my fist at him and knocked the glasses right off his face.  
  
I then ran out and found another empty compartment. James was so mad that he began spreading rumors about me. I became the school freak for my entire first year. No one ever talked to me unless they were poking fun at me. In my second year, I became obsessed with the color black. I put black streaks in my hair on the train with a nifty little charm I had heard about. It was "Coliorus". I wore black underneath my robes, and of course my robes were black. Over the summer I had gotten some black muggle makeup in my hands, black eyeliner and eye shadow, and wore it every day. That year I was determined not to let anyone mess with me. I got a new reputation. Now I was the Untouchable. Nobody ever even talked to me anymore for fear I would drown them in a toilet. I have been like this ever since. But nobody knows what I'm really thinking, or feeling. They don't even think of me as a human being most likely. They think they know me, but they have no idea.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was sixth year. Lily Evans tore through the hallway, her long red and black hair flying behind her, green eyes shimmering in the darkness. She got out of the castle and ran past the lake, out to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. She gasped for breath and walked between two large trees, and around a few more, finally ending up in a small clearing. Lily was friends with the animals, and a sweet centaur had shown her this spot. She began breathing normally and sat down near a tree stump, digging around in the dirt for something. She finally found it. It was a sharp knife with a long slender blade and an ivory handle. She had bought this knife from a muggle store because of its great beauty. Now she kept it for an entirely different reason. She rolled up her robe and smiled slowly to herself. On both her legs were many scars, all from this very knife. What she did relieved her stress.  
  
The first time she cut herself she had done it out of pure hatred for her peers. She had mad a long deep cut on her leg. Ever since that day, whenever she was stressed or angry she automatically went out to the clearing and let the blood flow.  
  
She put the edge of the blade against her leg, pressing it into her skin. Then she slowly drew it along her calf, almost all the way up to her knee. She would've kept going to her thigh, but then she heard a noise. It was a gasp. Someone had seen her.  
  
How did you like that? Kinda depressing, I know, but it's essential to the plot. Who has seen our dear Lily bloodletting? Want to find out? Review!! 


	2. Angry

You Think You Know Me: Diary of a Teenage Misfit ~~ Chapter two  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot because J.K. Rowling owns it all.  
  
A/N I got 20 reviews for one chapter!!!!!!!!!! Thank you all!!!! And thank you to Mandy for the criticism. I need to know how to improve my story.  
  
Lily dropped the knife so fast that if you weren't close enough, you would've thought it was burning her. She turned around and pulled her robe back down so the blood wouldn't show on her leg, and buried the knife again. Then she pulled out her wand and swiftly turned around, robes swirling around her thin body. "Who's there? Show yourself." Lily shouted. A tall boy stepped out into the clearing. Now it was Lily's turn to gasp. It was Severus Snape. (A/N bet you guys didn't think it would be him did ya? Hehe o well it is essential to the plot!)  
  
"If you tell a soul I will personally make sure that you never tell anyone anything again." She growled at him. He nodded his head and appeared to stride back to the castle. Lily threw herself down onto the grass. She placed her head in her arms and began to weep silently, unaware that Severus was still watching her, a hint of pity in his dark eyes. He swished his cloak around him and walked back to the castle, occasionally turning his head to look back at the crying girl.  
  
Lily's Entry  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As long as I can remember, I have been best friends with Petunia. When we were little, we did everything together. Lily and Petunia, best friends forever. Now I think it sounds too perfect to have lasted very long. We couldn't go anywhere without the other. But everything changed when I got that letter. In some respects, I think being a witch is the best thing that's ever happened to me, but in others, the worst.  
  
When Petunia saw the owl with the letter addressed to me, she screamed and called me an absolute freak. That was the first time she ever called me any name other than the one given to me at birth. The next day I apologized for scaring her and swore that nothing would change. She agreed and everything was as it had been before, but not for very long.  
  
After I came home from Diagon Alley with my school supplies, I was very excited. I set my wand and cauldron up on my dresser and stood back against the wall to look at them. As I am writing, I see the story of my life unfold before me. I am reluctant to admit, but this makes me feel better. It makes me feel as if I have accomplished something.  
  
Anyway, Petunia came in my room wanting to play a game of hide and go seek, and saw the array of magical tools on my dresser top. She screamed at me and said that nothing could ever be as it once was. She called me a freak for the second time, and I knew she was not lying. My sister loved me, and would never lie to me. We were best friends. Deep down I know she still loves me, but she is either terrified of my magic or jealous.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I know this is short but I didn't have very much time to write it seeing as I have a long report to do on an endangered species. If I get reviews I will update ASAP.  
  
TTFN and may the gods bless you.  
  
~~lil miss moony 


	3. Stolen

You Think You Know Me~ Chapter three  
  
A/N Yeah yeah I know I haven't updated since January but hey, I'm updating now aren't I?  
  
By the way, someone inquired about how I have Lily cutting her leg. Umm the reason she is doing that is so that nobody sees the cuts because she always wears long pants.  
  
Disclaimer:* waves wand * now I own harry potter!!!! Mwahahaha!!!  
  
~*~Lily's entry~*~  
  
Why is this thing pink anyway? Of all the colors, mother had to choose pink. I bet she let Petunia pick it out. I love my sister with all my heart, but honestly, she has no taste in color. I wonder if the colorius charm will work on it?  
  
Ha! It did! Now you are a nice black book, very professional looking. Anyway, the point of me writing in this today is to tell you what happened. I was walking into the forest to meet with a charming centaur friend of mine, when I saw Severus by the lake, and apparently he saw me as well.  
  
He started walking toward me, so I sped up. If you were in my situation you probably wouldn't have wanted to talk with him either. He saw me cutting myself and he probably wanted to talk to me about it. Obviously, since I was concentrating on getting away from him, I wasn't paying attention, and therefore I tripped on a tree root and fell. But, the thing is, I didn't fall.  
  
You will never guess what stopped me from falling.  
  
James Potter.  
  
Unbelievable, I know. I swear I came this close to pissing myself. And even MORE unbelievable was the fact that Severus caught up to me, and Potter demanded to know (Yes, I said demanded) why he was following me!  
  
I sound like some giggling twit, now don't I? In fact, now that I read over this, it sounds almost as if I have a crush on him. Well, I'll reassure you I still don't like him in the least. I couldn't believe how rude he was to Severus! And why on earth does the smartest boy in school call him something as childish as 'Snivellus'?  
  
Honestly, even Pettigrew could come up with something better than that. Potter probably wasted all of his mental energy trying to figure out what was wrong with Remus. I figured it out in first year. All you have to do is read the signs to know that he's a werewolf. The only reason I am writing this down is because the only person besides myself who could disarm the protection charms on my diary is the evil git himself, though it would probably take him a day or two.  
  
I seriously doubt that he would ever know I have a diary. I am writing in the common room now though, but its well past midnight and no one is around. I even did a check just now to make sure. Hold on, I think I hear someone coming down the stairs. I'd better go now.  
  
~*~End of Entry~*~  
  
Lily turned her head to look over her shoulder, making sure that no one was in hearing range before she activated the charms on her diary. That's funny, she thought. I could've sworn I'd heard someone coming down the stairs....  
  
She yawned, pocketed her diary, and took the stairs two by two all the way up to her dormitory.  
  
~*~Next Morning~*~  
  
A shrill scream ripped through Gryffindor tower, waking up everyone in the girls dormitory, except the screamer, who was obviously awake. Lily was running around the dorm, digging through the pockets of her robes, and throwing things out of her trunk trying to find her diary.  
  
She looked over at the bed of Arabella Figg and glared menacingly before taking out her wand and whispering,  
  
"Sonorus. ALRIGHT, CAN YOU ALL HEAR ME?" Several girls covered their ears, wincing. She smirked. "WHICH ONE OF YOU STOLE MY JOURNAL?" The girls looked around in wonder. Lily Evans had a journal? What was the world coming to?  
  
"WHEN I FIND OUT WHO TOOK IT, YOU WILL WISH THAT YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!" With each word, the volume and pitch of her voice rose up a notch higher, so that by the end of her speech, her voice could be heard all throughout Gryffindor tower.  
  
Somewhere in the sixth year boys dormitory, a young man winced as he heard those words, but soon shrugged it off and went back to trying to figure out the charms to deactivate the spells on the said journal.  
  
OoOo Who has her journal??? Is it James? Or possibly someone else? If you are nice and you give me good reviews, I'll tell you!  
  
Peace  
  
~*~FreAkOnALeaSh~*~ 


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